Archive for the Relationships & Sex

It is an incredible fact that 80% of the folks that I work with (yep, you read correctly – eighty percent!) are unhappy with their sex life, be it because they don’t have sex, not enough sex or not the sex the way they want. Because sex and sexual energy are such essential, core and deep drives, needs and wants, there is no way I can talk about how to shed weight, how to get healed from a chronic pain or why eating kale is good for you, if you don’t get laid the way you need and want it helping you realign your energies and destress your body, mind and soul.

If you are in a relationship and you have not had sex in a month then something is majorly wrong! (And I do not mean that you couldn’t have sex because you were physically separated or something to that effect!). I am talking about cases where you live together, sleep in the same bed, and share a life with another person.

There is no rule of thumb how often one should have sex, but I know for sure that having sex once or twice a month ain’t doing it for any healthy relationship! If you are brutally honest to yourself you will then also realize that it is not only the not having sex part that pisses you off, but also the routine gig that you are having – no more spontaneity, no more zest but pure routine and boring as hell. No wonder neither is into “it” and many fake the orgasm to be done with “it”. Well, then they wonder why they are having certain physical or mental or emotional problems, why they hate their job and ultimately themselves…it is the sexual tension that you are not releasing. That simple! Do you remember how sex was when you met your lover in the beginning?! OMG, you were on cloud number s(e)x (it’s a pun – hehe)!

Almost no matter how old you are: if you don’t get a good shag where you can let go and simply be and feel your body, your lover’s body, sweat, scream and yell – then you are on the wrong tracks! Either fix your sex life and become lovers again (there are ways!) or get the hell out of your relationship – otherwise you will be dying a slow – very slow – death!

Below, I would like to introduce to you Nicole Daedone and OneTaste- folks that I have teamed up with as I believe they offer an “out of this world” way to help women, men, and couples alike to re-discover their sexuality and reconnect with their sexual energies and (finally) lead the fulfilling relationship we all would want to have:

You may have heard of the slow-food movement that started in Italy to counteract the rise of fast food, promote locally grown produce, and encourage meals made and eaten with care. A similar movement is taking hold in the sexual arena: the slow-sex movement. It borrows ideas from many Eastern practices like Tantra and Buddhist mindfulness but with a modern twist.

No, the slow-sex movement doesn’t advocate having sex very, very slowly (although that could be one method of engaging in it!). Rather, it seeks to remind people in a “pornified” world, where the pressure for an ideal body or the “right way” to have sex, has taken them away from the foundation of sex: connection (with your partner and your own body), intimacy, and pleasure. (Through my work I have learned that sexual pleasure can be particularly difficult for women.)

At OneTaste, women and men can learn about mindful sexuality through classes, lectures, or living at the center. The New York Times describes it as a “co-ed live-in commune dedicated to the female orgasm.” Residents engage in morning “OMing” sessions in which women — naked from the waist down — lie in curtained rooms while fully clothed men stroke them to orgasm. Nicole , who is emerging as the leader of the slow-sex movement and who founded the OneTaste urban retreat center in San Francisco, invites men and women to learn about mindful sexuality by participating in workshops, yoga, and (for residents only) in the aforementioned “OMing” session.

In her own words Nicole says: I get apprehensive about using the word “revolutionize,” but it’s to revolutionize the way we look at sex. I think that we’ve gotten extremely distant from the actual “it” that it is and that it’s gotten kind of pathological the further away we’ve gotten away from the source of it. That’s why I like the idea of slow sex. You know, in the same way that we’ve industrialized food, we’ve industrialized sex. We’ve lost the meaning and the meaning really is simple: it’s the most elemental energy that allows two people to come together and tune into their own body at the same time, which is a pretty profound thing. I think that we’ve lost track of that.

Further she says that the primary reason for women to come to OneTaste is to connect with power — not what we’ve made power into, something that you lord over people — but to connect with that personal sense of power. I think that’s one of the biggest challenges for women in our age: we don’t have access to our own power, and we don’t have access to our power because the raw source of it is our sexuality and most women have never been trained how to hold that much power in our bodies. So there’s a way that we actually have men take all the responsibility for sexuality, and then we get upset that they’re holding it. Or they have this sort of power within them, and then we get upset that we don’t have that kind of power.

And the reason why men come to OneTaste: Everyone is coming to plug into the same thing. But there is a gender differentiation. My experience with most men is that they can sense that the kind of power that they have in our culture is a precarious thing. Because it’s not real, it’s not based on truth. It’s crumbling, right? We’re watching that everywhere, so most of the guys that I see who come in don’t really want to hold the power of sexuality. They don’t want to be the sole holders of this thing. How we have sexuality set up at this point is a subject-object relationship and so it’s just inaccurate. Guys are thinking, “But I have power” and women are thinking, “But I’m the victim.” We know that’s not true; we want to find that right true relationship. The men who come to OneTaste are men who are so sick of having to pretend like they know what they’re doing.

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I have very good friends in the Alps. They are a young couple in their 30s with two lovely daughters. I have known them for many years and once in a while I am lucky enough to be their guest. During my most recent trip to Europe, I was able to spend a few days at their house again.
As they are highly interested in my work and have seen all the things that I have done in my life: challenges met, obstacles overcome, and things achieved that many people might deems as “impossible” to do, we often end up having late night conversations about energies and how it is all connected and how to best utilize this knowledge. They both believe in the fact that we are not mere Bouncy Balls and that we can learn how to Ride our Horse, but just like anyone else, they also fall off their horses frequently and sometimes cannot see the forest for the trees.
Since our recent talks helped them to SEE how their own energies have supported them to overcome all of their challenges of the past year, I got their permission to recap our discussions in this blog.

Jimmy and Helen had stopped working at Helen’s parents organic farm to explore other opportunities. As there is always work to be done on a farm, they realized that they would need to move away to really not be sucked into the daily grind of a farm. So they found a lovely house, big enough to accommodate their family and their pets and two horses, about 20 minutes away from the farm. Mind you, Helen had become a stay home mom after having given birth to two daughters and Jimmy had stopped his career to pursue the life of an organic farmer. Now, not working on the farm and moving into a house somewhere else meant that money had to be made. Luckily they had some savings, not much, but enough to keep them going for some time.
Once they had settled into their new home, Helen found a part time job at a doctor’s office in a nearby town. This meant that she would need to take their sole car twice a week. But since Jimmy was working from home, there was no car problem. Jimmy always wanted to be his own boss so he spent a lot of time working on how he could make money as a solopreneur. While he was working on finding the best avenue for himself he kept working in different jobs so that he could support his family.
Now, after a year, money and savings had come to an end and something had to happen.
Well, and things continued to happen: Jimmy, through one of his part-time jobs ended up reconnecting with a former boss of a job he left a few years ago. As they were looking for a project manager starting as of January 1, and Jimmy had all the qualifications they needed, he landed the job. The pay is not overwhelmingly good, but enough to support his family. The great plus is that he has practically no boss and thus complete free hands to manage the project as he seems fit leaving him also with plenty of time to pursue his other part-time jobs and interests. One of which being producing and distributing a CD on meditation in major chains in Europe. Since Jimmy got his new full-time job, they had a logistical problem – they needed a second car as otherwise Helen would not be able to continue with her part-time job which is vital to their family budget. While i was their guest, right after the beginning of the new year, they found a friend who was able to lend them his car for a few weeks until a permanent solution was found. A day after their local friend offered his car, Helen found a great deal on a second hand car on the web. The problem was that the seller lived a couple of hours away as well as that they did not have the money to buy the car. On that very same day, their family and friends chipped in money to come up with the money needed to buy the car. Incredible!

On my last night I spent a couple of hours recapping the events of their past year which made Helen aware how incredibly lucky they are and that indeed it will be provided as long as you ask for a solution and believe in it:
1) When life on the family farm became unbearable and they wanted to move away, they found a perfect house for their needs, accommodating not only their family but also all their pets. The rent was fantastic giving them enough breathing space until they found new work.
2) Leaving the farm meant they needed to find other means of income. Helen, who had been out of the workforce for a few years, landed a part-time job at a doctor’s office, providing them with a decent pay but even more so the flexibility to continue to be a stay home mom. Jimmy found odd jobs here and there which were paid pretty well as well as giving him the time to focus on what he wanted to do with the rest of his life – eventually he wanted to succeed as an entrepreneur.
3) Through his connections and continued focus on creating of a successful self-employed person, Jimmy ended up producing a highly professional CD on meditation which will hit the stores in Europe soon. He also found a great niche in multi-level marketing.
4) Even though Jimmy was working hard on his career as an independent solopreneur the necessary means did not pour in. So, right when the reserves where coming to an end, he found a steady job that was in alignment with his believes, offered good pay and left him with enough time at hand to continue with his business aspirations.
5) When Jimmy’s new job meant that a second car had to be organized one of their friends offered to lend his car for a few weeks for free until a permanent solution was found. Once a temporary solution was found, a permanent solution manifested itself as well.

When we recapped everything that had happened for them in the past year, the coin dropped for Jimmy and Helen and they both realized that they have been “riding the wave high” so to speak. And they both ended up having a big smile on their face as they could see that they have been worrying about the future for no real reason as every challenge, literally every challenge, that they faced in the past was met; which meant that most likely they would also be able to overcome challenges in the future.

Out of personal experience and the work that I do with folks I know that 90% of the worries that we experience only happen in our minds and never become reality. So kick back and relax and allow things to unfold as they come – if you surrender to the cosmic energies, you can rest assured that things will unfold one way or another.

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Love Baths are the perfect way to reconnect with our Inner Child. Take an Epsom salt and baking soda bath for some 15 minutes every day for two weeks. Use Epsom salt for cleansing and baking soda for skin smoothing in a warm bath. Light some candles and play soft music. Take a couple of minutes to relax and take in the warmth of the water – it is as if you are back in your mother’s womb. By taking ten deep belly breaths you will create the focus and equilibrium in your body and mind needed to open up your heart for self-love and self-appreciation. Use your finger to write on your body: “I love myself”, “I appreciate myself”, “I am being healed”, “I am lovable”. We are such givers but seemingly have forgotten to give ourselves for too long!

By appreciating our Inner Child and lending it an ear, it will feel more and more secure over time and eventually give us the answers that we have been looking for – no matter in which area of our life!

When you shower off afterward remain under the flow of water for 2-3 minutes and say out loud, “Thank You”, maybe put your hand on your heart. When looking down “see” the dirt going down the drain and your soul feeling lighter and being able to breathe again ;)

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