Where have the last 15 years gone?!

Just a few weeks ago I had to fly to England for a business trip. I seized the opportunity to fly up to Birmingham to not only visit one of my oldest and best friends but also my former university I used to study at for a couple of years – the University of Wolverhampton.

Revisiting my former stomping grounds made me very melancholic and I found myself overwhelmed with emotions several times during my visit. And quite frankly had I not had my mate Gabe with me I would have shed many tears, that’s for sure

Walking through the town and the campus and revisiting the dorms and the house we used to live in brought back wonderful memories of simple and joyful times. Mind you though, simple times compared to now that is – then of course we also had our worries and concerns, such as: Will I be able to pass my next exam? Will I be able to secure my summer internship? Where will the next party be? Will I be able to ask her out for a date? Hopefully I will be able to change classes and get rid of the lecturer I do not like, etc, etc.

These concerns and worries seem so innocent and naïve from today’s point of view – but boy o boy were they real and all encompassing then.

In the 15 years since I first moved to Wolverhampton everything in my life has changed and so have of course the town the the campus. Physically being were I used to live so many years ago allowed me to slip back into the person that I was and relive my dreams and wishes again, only to realize that most of my dreams have dramatically changed and that what was important then to me has become tertiary now.

All day and many days thereafter I kept on pondering about where those 15 years have gone? What have I done with my time? If my life ended tomorrow could I truly say that I led a self-determined and fulfilled life, living to the max and experiencing life at its fullest glory or would I have to admit that I fell short of achieving my highest potential? These questions have been gnawing on me since and I have not been able to shake them off yet – maybe because I have to admit that despite a truly amazing life that I have had the luck of having I continue to feel that I am falling short of my highest possible potential. There it is out on the table – just to verbalize this makes me breathe easier and freer. Despite all the growth that I have gone through and all the self-improvement and (self-)healing work that I have done, I am still not where I would want to be – actually far from being where I would want to be…sigh…

Time is so precious, time is so dear – and the more I make myself aware of this simple but fundamental fact, the more I am able to let go of the unimportant daily crap that eats away my energies and focus more and more on what is important to me as well as society at large. Whenever something has bugged me in these past couple of weeks and I catch myself getting tense and allowing my ego to take over I think back of the sadness I felt when I was in Wolverhampton and the realization that time is traveling by far faster than light and that I have no time to waste on stupid, ego driven crap if I really want to make a difference in this world – and as soon as I realize this, tension goes away, ego gets put back into its place and I can think clearly again and thus overcome the challenge swiftly and as painlessly as possible.

The more I think about our purpose in life the more I have to admit that I have no clue, but I believe that, at least in part, we are here to pro-actively create our life and see it blossom so that we can enjoy the fact that we are spiritual beings temporarily put in a physical body.

Time is too short to waste on the small stuff – brush it off and move on so that also you can create and lead the life that you truly want.

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2 Responses to “Where have the last 15 years gone?!”  

  1. 1 Cheryl Heppard

    Memory road is always bittersweet, isn’t it? I enjoyed your post Qiu, and as always, you are an inspiration. You’re blog posts alway have a “real” message that everyone can relate to and take something from which can be reflected upon later.

  2. 2 NakedHealer

    Dear Cheryl, thank you so much for your continued input and support, I highly appreciate it. I will do my best to provide more insightful blog entries ;)

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